The Bachelor: Victoria Gets a Little too Crunk.

First off I want to start by saying I was totally wrong about Lucy! Well, I wasn’t wrong about the flower power part. I mean she was walking around naked everywhere.  But she’s not drama at all. She’s actually really freakin’ funny! Speaking of funny, I do have to say Chelsie can be funny too, but she still annoys the crap out of me.

Moving on, let’s talk about Clare and Juan Pablo’s date. Juan picked up Clare in a nice car (of course, so bachelor), and blind folded her. I wonder what she was thinking about while she was blind folded. Hmmmm. Anyway, they arrived at this winter wonderland! It was absolutely gorgeous. They sledded, had snow ball fights, and ice skated. I have to say though Clare seemed to be enjoying it a lot more than Juan Pablo. And apparently she’s already falling for him. Classic.

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Rick Rowell/ABC

After that, they got into the hot tub (of course). From there I wasn’t paying too much attention to their conversation because Juan Pablo’s shirt was off and I was possibly drooling while watching…but I’m pretty sure she opened up to him about her Dad? Yeah, she did. I just rewinded. Then she just grabbed his face and kissed the crap out of him!

While they were in the hot tub they heard music from a far.  There was a surprise two person concert for them (or course), with Josh Krajcik? From the “X Factor?” But once again I didn’t seem to be paying attention because of Juan Pablo’s abs. They were dancing and being cute. Then Hollywood magic happened. Snow started falling from the sky…in LA. Oh this is why I love “The Bachelor!” Oh and then she got a rose and all that good stuff.

After that Kat went on her one on one date. She is just a doll! I never really noticed her the first episode. Anyway, they went on a private jet (once again, of course!) and ended up going to this rave/race thing. I’m not really sure what it was but it was awesome! There were mass amounts of people with crazy lights and everyone was dancing. Why didn’t Juan take me?! I volunteer as tribute!

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Electric Run

Kat and Juan seemed to be having so much fun together. I thought they were adorable. Kat may suffer from white girl disorder a little bit when it comes to dancing. But, she was doin’ her thang so I’ll give it to her! Then Kat and Juan were brought on stage and Kat received her rose! Whoo go Kat!

So let’s talk about the group date. In true bachelor fashion, the girls had to do a photo shoot with the bachelor. Happens every season. I’m not complaining though because Juan’s shirt was off again.

What happened was some guy with a blue beard was telling the girls what to wear. Andi and Elise had to wear nothing but a sign in front of them. Well, they were both freaking out not only because they would have to be naked, but because of their jobs. Elise is a first grade teacher and Andi is an attorney. Little kids, criminals, and nakedness go together like Sour Patch Kids and Almond Milk. They just don’t! Oh and Kelly had to be dressed like a dog. Man that girl is funny, she’s getting really sassy too. Then Chelsie actually made some fuggin’ funny comments. Still not a fan though.

After their mini break downs Elise simply switched her costume with Lucy who was more than happy to be prancing around naked! Andi on the other hand just sucked it up and went through with it because Juan Pablo talked her into it. I personally think it might of had a little something to do with knowing Juan was going to be right next to her…naked. Just a thought though!

The women and Juan Pablo then went to the second part of their date. There Victoria went cray cray and got super plastered. Probably not the best idea when you’re meeting a man you want to marry? I mean girl was on a whole other level. She was talking about straddling people, giggin’ in the hot tub by herself, and leg humping. Safe to say girl was feelin’ herself! Nikki even told her to simmer down. But Victoria was already on the road to turnt up central so it didn’t happen. Instead she went to talk to Juan, but then just ran to the bathroom crying and acting a fool. Then, golden heart Renee stepped in to try and help her calm down. That didn’t happen! Instead she just got worse and wanted to go home.  None of the girls seemed to really have a problem with that. Especially not Kelly because she told Victoria she wanted to put a bark collar on her because she’s so loud. Man that Kelly is funny!

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Being the gentleman that Juan Pablo is, he went to check on Victoria. However, she wouldn’t open up the door in the bathroom stall she was in. At the end of that date Kelly got the rose. Really? Kelly? Not who I was expecting.

The next morning Juan took a trip to Victoria’s hotel and sent her packing! Victoria, Juan already has a child. He doesn’t want to be taking care of another one and we don’t blame him!

At the rose ceremony Cassandra was freaking out a little about being away from her son which is completely understandable. When I say a little though I mean she was crying in the bathroom. Apparently it’s the trend to go into the bathroom when you cry! Once again, angel Renee went to check on her and helped her until Juan came in. Juan Pablo then convinced her to stay. Which wasn’t really difficult because all Cassandra had to do was look at him. I think he really, really likes Cassandra! They might be the perfect fit for each other considering they both have young kids. They look amazing together too!

In the end Amy and Chantel had to leave not only Juan Pablo, but that beautiful mansion as well. I was surprised he kept Christy. I would’ve much rather had Chantel stay. She was so cool. Like I just want to chill with her. I’m thinking Christy may be going home next week though. Or I’m personally hoping Chelsie! We shall see next week.

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Emily and Tyler ENGAGED!

CONGRATULATIONS TO EMILY MAYNARD AND TYLER JOHNSON ON THEIR ENGAGEMENT!

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Taken from Emily’s instagram.

 

Hopefully this is the last frog she has to kiss and her final engagement. We love her so much and wish her the absolute best!

The Bachelor Episode 1: Getting to Know the Beauties and the Crazies!

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

Juan Pablo definitely impressed with his first episode of The Bachelor. Women couldn’t get enough of his accent, running around with his abs, and his trouble speaking English! It was so precious. I have to say it also didn’t seem like he was at all nervous being the man of the hour. I think he was totally loving all the attention from the ladies. Juan was doing a fantastic job playing the pimp with his hookers! All jokes aside, let’s talk about some of the ladies. First let’s start with the first impression rose winner:

Sharleen

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

At first I was loving Sharleen. She was kind of that awkward funny girl! Everything she was doing seemed awkward but really cute at the same time. But, I was pretty shocked when Juan gave her the first impression rose…and she seemed to be too. After she said she didn’t feel a connection with Juan Pablo my feelings about her flipped. Um Excuse me, but how can you not feel a connection with a latin lover like Juan Pablo?! Plus, she didn’t even seem like a front runner so she should be feeling pretty freakin’ lucky if you ask me!

Renee

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

Renee is one of my top runners for Juan Pablo for sure! First she’s an absolute doll, she’s active, and she has a son! She seems like the class act Juan needs. She knows what it takes to be a mother unlike most of the women who think they do. Plus she’s a lot closer to Juan Pablo’s age…and did you see those abs?

Chelsie

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

Chelsie is about to drive me cray cray the whole season. I already know it. She’s positive, I’ll give her that. But holy crap I’ve never seen someone more positive and overly smiley than this woman right here. Stop trying to speak Spanish…please. It’s giving me a headache! Did anyone else find her slightly annoying for no reason or was that just me?

Amy J

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

The Queen of Crazy is definitely Amy J. As soon as I saw those straight across bangs I knew we were in for something insane! I’m sorry but what massage therapist moans while giving a client a massage?! I’m pretty sure it’s not normal to make sexual sounds and to close your eyes like your having intercourse when you’re just giving a massage. I mean there are stories though of masseuse who will give you a little more bang for your buck if ya know what I’m sayin’. Amy could be one of those? Anyway, she makes me feel uncomfortable and I don’t like it.

Nikki

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

Another one of my front runners has to be Nikki. She seems so sweet and I love the fact that she’s a pediatric nurse. Maybe she can take care of little Camilla? Besides that she’s as cute as a button! And homegirl definitely knows how to pick out a dress. Did you see all those rhinestones and the open back? Absolutely stunning!

Valerie

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

At first when I saw Valerie I thought she was really pretty! Then I saw her on the farm, and I was like wow, she’s on a farm, that’s cool. Oh, she’s a personal trainer. That’s cool too! Then she said, “I’m a pretty girl” and “ugly people need love too.” That ruined everything. Valerie you’re not pretty if you don’t have a pretty heart okay? Doesn’t matter though because she was ELIMINATED! Sorry don’t feel bad for ya Val. Guess you weren’t that “pretty.”

Lacy

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

Okay so Lacy is basically an angel from the heavens above! She comes from a family of 13 and  9 of them have special needs. Not only that, she also has her own elderly care facility. Yeah, she’s basically Mother Theresa in a hot, young bod.  Juan Pablo can not go wrong with choosing Lacy.

Chantel

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

Although Chantel didn’t get much TV time this episode, I have a feeling we’ll be seeing her a lot more. I mean Juan Pablo did remember her name so that definitely means something! Chantel seems super sweet plus I loved her clever way of getting Juan Pablo to remember her name. “Shhh” antel! I see you, girl.

Lucy

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

Well, we all know who the dramatic, insane, troublemaker of the season is going to be. Anyone that wears flowers on their head like they’re the four-year-old flower girl at a wedding is definitely crazy.  Okay, flower child. Not only did she throw her legs on top of Juan Pablo, she had her bare feet up on him. Girl, get your nasty feet off that beautiful man. He doesn’t want them on his expensive suit! I can tell she’s going to drive all the girls crazy and she’s going to give it right back to them. Maybe somebody will hit her or something.

Clare

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

Clare was another one of my favorites. I think it’s so precious that her dad who past away made a video for her future husband to see. Clare seems so sweet and has an open heart. But I’m not quite sure what she was doing with the pregnant belly entrance. I still don’t know what that was about. But hey, I give it to the girl because it helped Juan Pablo remember her.

Lauren

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

Oh Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. I really feel so bad about her situation. I mean it really would be a terrible feeling to have your fiancé just call everything off. But girl, DO NOT LEAD WITH THAT! When you’re just meeting someone it’s probably not best to start off with telling them about how your fiancé randomly dumped you one day. Yeah, not a good first impression. Also, Lauren was crying a lot about being worried she wouldn’t get time with Juan. Here’s an idea.  Instead of crying and talking to all the girls about it GET UP and go talk to him! Be aggressive B-E aggressive! That’s just how the show works. I did feel bad though because she went home.

Kelly

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

All I got from Kelly is she brought a dog and she’s a dog lover? Apparently, being a dog lover is an occupation? So I need to reevaluate my career choices.

Kylie

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

Kylie seemed like a super cute girl but you can’t do red with pink. You can’t do red with pink! It’s just way too…I don’t know it just looks terrible. Plus her dress really reminded me of a bad prom. Not good. Man, it must have really been embarrassing though when she thought she heard her name called for a rose when it was actually Kat. Not only that, she didn’t get a rose at all. Poor Kylie!

Andi

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Taken from The Bachelor website.

For me the TOP WOMAN of the night was Andi! Andi has it all; brains, beauty, and a little bit of sass. Andi is an attorney. Yeah, an attorney. She’s the baddest b*tch in the game. And did you see her come out of that limo?! She looked absolutely stunning. Juan Pablo was really staring at her too. I’m surprised he didn’t give her the first rose because they really seemed to be hitting it off. Juan needs to end up with her though because she’s definitely an HBIC and she could tame him. Get it with your bad self Andi!

All in all Juan Pablo was given a pretty good group of women. While they’re all attractive, some seem just a little too crazy. I guess we’ll find out in the episodes to come!

The Best Moments of “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette”

With the new season right around the corner, we thought it’d be great to take a look back into the history books. Here are some of the most shocking and entertaining moments of “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette.”

1. Tierra’s tierrable eyebrows had a mind of their own!

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2. Ali deciding to leave Jake…..and crying because she decided to leave Jake?

 

3. And then Justin hops away from Ali because he has a girlfriend.

 

4. Courtney being a psychotic beach….

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and then winning…..America was pissed!

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5. Desiree’s brother being a d&%k to the most gorgeous and perfect man on the planet!

 

6. Bentley being his charming self.

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7. Michelle giving herself a black eye just for a little attention.

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8. Jason dumping Melissa after he already put a ring on it! But I mean it’s cool because him and Molly are still married.

 

9. When Robyn fell head over heels for Sean during her entrance….literally.

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10. My personal favorite, little southern belle, Ms.Emily Maynard telling Kalon to get the eff out!